I'm still alive

I'm still alive. I don't have any worth writing about. I'm mostly just walking around in circles until something happens, good or bad. I'm a very boring person lately. Sorry folks.

Saturday morning

Saturday morning at the Abode of Bobness. What I have done is connect the monitor from my old desktop computer to my laptop. I also splurged and spent the bucks for the mlb.tv season long package. I can watch every major league baseball game (either home or away broadcasts) on my computer, either live or recorded. Therefore, I can watch the NESN feed of my beloved Red Sox anytime of day or night, especially since many of their east coast games start while I am still at work.

The beauty of the second monitor is that it makes it possible for me to watch the game in full screen while still using my full laptop screen for blogging, chatting, game playing, etc. No more having to choose between watching the game or writing compelling posts like this one. Now I can do both on a Saturday morning while lounging on my couch and sipping my Caribou Coffee.

Just an update: My doctor has informed me that my EKG was fine, chest x-ray checked out normal, and my lab work looks good including blood counts, chemistries, and cholesterol. I've gotten a referral for a cardiologist to set up an appointment for a stress test. It is reassuring that things initially appear to be ok, but unsettling not knowing why I'm so tired, weak, with some chest tightness. Looks like you all might be stuck with me being around for a while.

Blogoversary

It all started one year ago today. I don't really remember why I began blogging. I was aware of what blogging was, but never really considered starting one of my own until someone I knew started one. Being a computer geek and having an affinity for writing, I'm surprised it took me that long. I was doing it for me, having no idea that anyone would either read it or heaven forbid actually follow it. Did I hope I would become an overnight sensation? No. Did I want others to read it? Deep down, sure I did.

It has kind of been all over the place since then. Sometimes funny, sometimes political, sometimes reflective, sometimes depressing, but always genuine. For the most part, you never really have to guess what kind of mood or mental disposition I am in. I feel like I've written good pieces, things just to fill up space, and had a fleeting romance with temporary fencing securing temporary fencing. You've learned about my obsession with lobster footwear, a never ending battle with the demons that occupy my brain, and some of the other things that make up just bob.

I've "met" a great group of supportive people. How I found you, or you found me, or why you continue to put up with me I don't know. I never would have imagined people from as far away as Australia would become friends (and even send Tim Tams). I never could have expected to form the kind of bonding relationships I have with all of you. The openness with which you share your lives, your successes and failures, your hopes and dreams, is really quite amazing. The way all of you have accepted me with all of my faults and ever changing mental states is heartwarming and means so much to me. The mutual caring that goes on amongst this group is inspiring. You're a great group of people and hold a special place in my heart and thoughts.

So, day one of year two starts here. I don't know what direction this blog will take, just as I don't know what direction my life will take. It may not be the most interesting or glitzy existence, but it's mine. I'll continue to bring you along, if you care to keep following. I'm humbled and honored that you take the time to read, comment, and care. For something that started as a vehicle to vent and write, it certainly has become much more. That's because of the wonderful people who make it that way.

Since everyone is speculating...

Here is the deal. I've been really weak and tired. Not I didn't get enough sleep tired, more like I can barely make it through the work day tired, weak and fatigued. I've been having some chest tightness and shortness of breath at times I should have neither. Also there have been some issues with my stomach and daily "movements."

So... I've had a series of blood tests, urine tests, EKG, chest x-ray, will do a stool sampling this weekend, and meet with a cardiologist for a stress test once a referral is set up.

This all could do with either my lifestyle or my depression/anxiety, but it could be something unrelated. If/when anything physical has been ruled out, then I can address the other issues. Until all the tests are done, I won't know any more than that.

jb and The Brain, Act IV

The Brain: Are things messed up down there too?
jb (just bob): I'm not sure, that's why we went to see a doctor.
The Brain: Must be serious for you to go to a doctor.
jb: Something is not quite right, and it is different from anything else before
The Brain: Are you worried?
jb: I'm concerned enough to see someone. There are still a few more tests to run.
The Brain: I'll do what I can for you
jb: I know, but you may not have any control of what is going on down here this time
The Brain: So when are we going to know something?
jb: Not for a few weeks probably, maybe sooner.
The Brain: That seems like a long time to wait
jb: I guess these things take some time
The Brain: That doesn't make it any easier.
jb: Yeah, tell me about it.
The Brain: We'll get through this, both of us
jb: Yep... we are in this together