Tagged by A Boxer

The Pacific Pugilist, Anonymous Boxer has tagged me with this meme...

What are the eight things you want to do before you die? (in no particular order)

1. Learn how to fly
I've always been fascinated by flying. The chance to learn how to fly and get a pilot's license would definitely be high on my list.

2. Take a golf vacation to Scotland & Ireland
The birthplace of golf, a trip to Scotland would be a pilgrimage of sorts to where the game began. St. Andrews, Carnoustie, Troon, and so many others. Since I'm already over there, a quick jump over to Ireland and the great courses there would be a must do.

3. Drive the Zamboni
Doesn't every real sports fan want to drive the Zamboni at least once? It's the most recognizable feature of any sporting event. It's nothing more than a truck that smooths out the ice, but it is so cool. Everyone recognizes the local Zamboni driver.

4. Get my handicap into single digits
Golf is a game that takes patience, practice, and skill. Getting your handicap below the mythical 10.0 puts you into a rare breed of golfer. It makes you "good" so it's a goal worth striving for.

5. Find someone to spend my life with
Likely unattainable, it's still something that would be on the list. I guess every list needs to have a dream or two that will never happen.

6. Lose 30 pounds and keep them off
For someone who has struggled with weight issues, if I could get the rest of that ugly baggage to go away forever would make me much more pleasant to be around. I've been down there before, but always rebounded back up. Difficult, yet attainable.

7. See Australia & New Zealand
Across the other big ocean, I'd love to see Australia and New Zealand. I'd bring my golf clubs with me, but the exotic beauty of these two countries calls out to me.

8. Write a book
This has got to be on the list of every frustrated blogger. I've got a few ideas rattling around my head, but I've never had the time or patience to make this one happen. Hopefully I'll get around to it before those ideas escape forever.

And that's it... my "bucket list." I'm not going to tag anyone else, but feel free to share if you are so inclined.

The Night of 1,000 turns

Sunday night of the conference is traditionally "client dinner night." The conference organizers do not schedule any formal activities after 6:00pm to allow the vendors in attendance to entertain their customers and potential clients. There are so many vendors and so many dinners or receptions that many times a person has to choose between all the invitations. I opted for my food vendor's dinner which was down at Newport Beach. I always enjoy going out with this group, and seriously who's more qualified to find an excellent restaurant to entertain than a food vendor.

So... my 120 closest friends and I pile into three coach buses to make the trip down to Newport Beach. After arriving, we made our way into 21 Oceanfront Restaurant. The view of the beach and Pacific Ocean was spectacular. The wonderful cocktail hour featured three new California wines that have not made it to market yet. This event was the first time they've been served to the public. I can't comment on the Chardonnay, but the Cabernet was fantastic. As the night wore on the wine continued to flow, the dinner was outstanding, and the dessert has heavenly.

And this is where the night got interesting. As a majority of the guests hopped back onto the buses for the trip home, a few intrepid warriors chose to stay behind. To be more specific, myself and the company's two Bay Area reps decided all the wine we drank just wasn't quite enough for a Sunday night. So Homer, Bart and myself stumble our way two blocks down to a little hole-in-the-wall bar while Homer's wife (and designated driver) Marge went to get the car. I'm guessing this was just a short stay as I can only remember drinking three beers. The plan from there was for Marge to take us all back to the hotel.

Let me backtrack a little. Homer and Marge used to live in Southern California. It had been a few years, so Marge was not as familiar with the route back home as Homer. Hindsight being 20/20, putting the highly polluted Homer in charge of navigating was clearly not the wisest choice. Anyway... Bart and I talked and laughed in the backseat while Homer was directing Marge. "Turn right" was followed by "turn right" and then another "turn right" had us hopelessly lost. I know we were lost because all I could see was trailer homes, plastic pink flamingos, and palm trees. Eventually, "turn right" ended us up on a dead end street. I think we ended up sacrificing one of those plastic flamingos when we turned around.

Eventually Homer kept up the "turn right" routine long enough for it to actually work and Marge found a road she remembered. So down the road we traveled when, "pull over, pull over, stop here" bellowed Homer at Marge. There we were at the doors of really sketchy Irish pub. This was the kind of place I would normally be fearful of going into, but a few bottles of wine and a few bottles of beer made this seem like a good idea. Walking in, the first thing I notice is the bartender looked exactly like Sully Erna from Godsmack. I tend to believe it wasn't actually Sully, but it was SoCal so you never know. Marge, obviously the wisest of the group, stayed with the car. This stay was even shorter and one round of black and tan's later we were back on the road.

At this point Homer was asleep in the passenger seat which left Bart and I to help Marge pick the right highway exit. For future reference, this is not an enviable position to place two drunken conventioneers. Well, we find the "convention center" exit so we decided we had to be close. At the bottom of the off-ramp, we chose to tell Marge to "turn left" as "turn right" hadn't worked out too well earlier in the night. We drive, and drive, and nothing is looking familiar at all. At this point, Marge is so pissed off at the whole situation that she pulls into a gas station to get directions. While this is a good idea to find the hotel, the stopping of the car awakens Homer who's now equally pissed that Marge stopped for directions. Bart and I were convinced we were witnessing the end of a marriage right in front of us. It ends up that we were on the right road, but should have "turned right" at the exit. A quick loop around and a few minutes later we arrived at the hotel. A stumble through an empty lobby and trip up the elevator landed me in my hotel room at the ripe hour of 3:30am. Needless to say, the 8:00am session on Monday was out of the question. And so it goes.... the Night of a 1,000 turns.

A shaky ending

I'm back at the Abode of Bobness after a week long conference. This is a national conference for a trade association to which I belong. As conferences go, this is probably my favorite one of the year. Due to the nature of my job, my travel schedule usually includes three or four big shows which require travel in addition to another three or four regional meetings which are a drive.

The reason I like this one is because I get to see many business associates who are spread throughout the country. It's also a great opportunity at the trade show to see the newest of products, goods, and services. Probably more to the point, like any big conference there are plenty of parties, receptions, dinners, and entertainment opportunities. Remind me to tell you a great story about one of those dinners and the adventure that followed.

But anyway, this was shaping up as one of the better conferences in recent years. The educational seminars were actually interesting and informative, the trade show had a lot of vendors I needed start looking into, and most importantly I got to connect with so many people I wanted to see. A couple of other good things career wise happened too, but that again is another story for later in the week after I've caught up on some much needed sleep. So the conference was wrapping up with the closing speaker this morning when we all got a big surprise...



... 5.8 (later revised to 5.4) worth of surprise. Oh wait, did I neglect to mention the conference was in Anaheim, California? The second floor ballroom started to roll a little bit, then things started to shake, then started to shake a lot harder. About maybe 10 seconds later it was over. They never had to evacuate the hotel and there was no damage other than some small wall and ceiling fixtures which were shaken loose. Needless to say, the rest of the closing session was canceled although the afternoon committee meetings took place. That's what I would call a shaky ending.

The amazing thing is that this isn't the first time something like this has happened during a conference I was attending. Years ago, it was a Tuesday morning session at a smaller conference in Miami. Strangely enough, it was the last day of that conference as well. I was sitting in on a round-table open discussion with about 20 other people when this happened...


I'm beginning to think I should consider not attending conferences anymore.

Off to The Wal-Mart

Day one of Project Vacation started off with sleeping in late. How pathetic is it that 8:00am is considered sleeping in? In the days of my youth, I could sleep in until 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon. After two cups of coffee, Mom and I piled into the Saturn and it was off to The Sam's Club and The Wal-Mart. Are you going to drive? Mom kept asking. It didn't take more than three hints before I caught on that she wanted me to drive. Fortunately, I've visited enough times that I know my way around town pretty well.

Hard to believe, but it was my first ever time inside a Sam's Club. It's like a grocery store on steroids. Everything is super sized. You don't buy a jar of pickles, you buy a five gallon buckets of pickles. The jars of mayonnaise are so big they have wheels on them and you pull them like carry-on luggage around the store. The tuna cans were the size of missile silos. You put those three ingredients together and you could have made enough tuna salad to feed the entire state.

So anyway, that was just a quick stop to pick up what appeared to be a 1,000 pound bag of dog food. After the forklift brought it out to the Saturn, we walked across the same shopping center to The Wal-Mart. I'm not a fan of The Wal-Mart. Mom knows this and I swear she does this just to torment me and see if I'll cave into mass commercialization and give my money to the ultra-rich Walton family. Although I'll probably lose my lefty-liberal membership card for admitting this, I did have to avail myself of the cheap, cheap cost for a 12-pack of Coke Zero. I rationalize that it couldn't be a product made in China so I wasn't contributing to the export of jobs overseas.

Just inside the door, I deftly elude the 200 year old greeter and stumbled upon the in-store Premier Bank...

This is a sound policy to institute for a bank. Apparently you can bring the firearm into The Wal-Mart, you just can't take it all the way into the bank. I didn't see any rifles, handguns, or muskets on the gun rack outside the bank so I felt safe enough to use the ATM.


It was the once-a-month grocery excursion for Mom, so we did a lot of shopping at The Wal-Mart. Here's Mom looking for fabric softener.


This is Mom buying hot dogs for the dogs. No, you didn't read that wrong. Mom buys hot dogs to slice up and put in the dog's food once a week. You'd get bored too if you ate the same dog food everyday of your life, says Mom. She's got a point there. I give her a little grief because we didn't get them any tater salad to go along with the hot dogs. She laughs at my gentle ribbing, then proceeded to make potato salad for dinner that night just to make sure there will be left-overs for the dog's "hot dog day." Guess who got the last laugh on that one.... not just bob. One full shopping cart (and a 12-pack of Coke Zero) later, the shopping was done and it was back to the Saturn for the ride home. Guess who drove again? Yep... it was me.


There you have it.... our day at The Wal-Mart.

jb and The Brain, Act II

just bob (jb): What possessed you to think this was a good idea?
The Brain: It was all very logical and responsible
jb: And you were wrong this time weren't you?
The Brain: Nope
jb: Would you like to reconsider that?
The Brain: Nope
jb: Can I tell you what I think?
The Brain: Sure, go ahead. But don't expect me to change my mind
jb: Going on vacation until Tuesday, then turning around to leave for a conference on Thursday was stupid
The Brain: That's pretty harsh
jb: Were you actually lucid when you cooked up this idea?
The Brain: Yes, no alcohol and no Fog
jb: Shall I continue?
The Brain: Keep going, I know you're not finished
jb: Traveling is a pain in the ass, the airport is a mess, and I'm so tired right now I could pass out
The Brain: Anything else?
jb: Yeah, you've got to start running some of these ideas by me. I do have some good ideas too
The Brain: Of course you do. My turn?
jb: Yes, I'd love to hear this logic
The Brain: The two days between coming and going gave you some time to unpack and repack.
jb: That's it?
The Brain: Easy... it also allowed you to clear out all the work emails and phone calls before leaving again.
jb: So this was a work decision, not a personal decision.
The Brain: Yes it was
jb: Well it can't always be about work
The Brain: I see that now
jb: We kind of depend on each other and I need you to think about me once and a while
The Brain: You're right, I'm sorry
jb: Thanks for hearing me and listening
The Brain: You've got it
jb: Now are you going to work on those resumes and cover letters to get us both out of here?
The Brain: Right after both of us take a nap. I'm as tired as you are.
jb: Now you're thinking!