Let's move along

Michael Jackson.

He's dead... I get it.
He changed the face of music... I get it.
Many people are sad he's gone... I get it.

Guess what... he's still dead.
He didn't come back three days later so he's not the savior.
Can we move along now and deal with the issues of people who are still alive?

Recycle

Disney made one movie... and they have been retracing it for years.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Limbo

Limbo... a state of uncertainty, Dante's First Circle of Hell. Yesterday marked two weeks of living in limbo. I wish I could tell all of you more, but some privacy is needed in this instance. Heck, if I'll tell you about irritable bowels and anti-depressants, you must have figured out by now that I can't say anything. I can confirm it has nothing to do with my health, or the health of anyone close to me. Let the speculation continue. (If you really, really need to know... most of you know how to reach me privately.)

Back to the limbo thing. I'm on the fence whether it is worse knowing or not knowing. These two weeks have featured a plethora of scenarios playing out in my head, most of them not good. That's the way my brain works, so it is a challenge to fight off those negative thoughts. The longer I go on not knowing, the more and more I seem to lose hope for a positive result. The few people who know what is going on have been extremely supportive and keep boosting up my spirits. Of course, my blogger buddies have lent their good karma too, even though they have no idea why. That's what I call friends.

As much as I want this uncertainty to be over, I'd rather have a positive result even if it does mean not knowing for some more time. It's difficult to concentrate on the present when I'm thinking about the future. Life is full of "what if's," but this one is more important to me than even I'm willing to admit to myself. Now I know first hand why Dante made sure limbo was included in hell.

An old soul

Yesterday someone at the office told me that I had an old soul. Since she is slightly older than me (about 10 years?), I was interested what she meant by this and asked her to elaborate. According to her, I have a calmness and maturity about me that outpaces my 40+ years on earth. She went on to say that I was wise beyond my years and had a personality of someone who had seen and done more than others my age.

It was somewhat flattering, and somewhat confusing. I do feel like I've been more "grown up" over the years than other people my age. When you lose your father at 12 years old, you feel like you have to grow up pretty quick. You learn all the things that "men" do on your own without the help of the guiding hand of Dad. I taught myself to shave when it was time, and to tie a windsor knot on my own. All of that was secondary to making sure my brother and I were taking care of Mom. She made sure we got the best education possible, there was a roof over our heads, and food on the table. It was the least we could do to make sure that things around the house ran smoothly, the yard got mowed, the hedges trimmed, all of the little fix-it things got done, and we kept our noses clean and out of trouble. It was a middle class life less one important person.

It took away our innocence, some carefree days of youth, and gave us some maturity at an early age. I've always been more comfortable around people older than me. From those early days, it has always seemed that I had more in common with an older generation than peers my age. Whether it be at work, on the golf course, or anyplace else I generally tend to gravitate toward them. It is probably because I grew up around them, they tend to be safe, and there is none of the awkwardness of trying to fit in among those of the same generation. Not that I don't have people in my life my age, but I feel more secure amongst those who are my senior.

While being perceived as an old soul, I often feel like I haven't grown up enough. I haven't done many of the things other my age have accomplished. No wife, no 2.5 kids, no white picket fence. I readily admit I'm not the most responsible person when it comes to my money, having made mistakes that continue to affect me to this day. There is no nest egg in case something happens, not nearly enough in my retirement 401(k), and a whopping $6.71 in my savings account. With all of these insecurities and flaws, people expect me to be the old soul. They depend on that calmness and maturity that outpaces my 40+ years. It is hard for me to reconcile these two wildly separate places inside me. How can I be an old soul when I don't always feel confident about taking care of myself? How do I capture some of the carefree qualities of youth that I missed out on when I'm expected to be the wise and mature one? I'm not sure I'll ever know.

For Blottie #1

Suzy.... since you don't remember posting this I thought I'd help you out. You can thank me later :)


Jun 21, 2009 (18 hours ago)

(title unknown)

from My Rose Cottage Studio by Suzanne

Cece called tonight. Yes. I think to just make me laugh. The woman's hilarious. And yes, I laughed my ass off.

I'm going to be gone for awhile. I'm working on a painting, but will keep you informed.

XO